The Dream

Several months ago I had a dream.  Usually I don't remember my dreams and when I awoke I knew it had been a dream with a message for me.  I dreamed that we went to visit Kevin and he didn't have any legs.  He was walking around on these little tiny stumps which was so different from the 6'1" height that he is. My heart was so heavy as I watched him try to fulfill his duties in life but he just couldn't do it.   No matter how hard he tried there were just some things he couldn't do for himself.

As I pondered the meaning of this dream I decided that it was so difficult for him to accomplish the things that needed to be taken care of in his life while he was in jail that he in fact was helpless and needed my help.  Honestly I did try to help him arrange court dates and such but probably not as efficiently as I could.   I was still very angry with him.  Last week when he moved to the work release center I was embittered that I would have to give up some of my freedom to help him get to work, to court dates, to counseling and to his drug testing.  Then I remembered the dream.  I realized that if he was physically disabled I would very willingly give up my freedom to help him deal with problems until he could handle them on his own.  His disability now is probably more a mental disability, but nevertheless a disability.  If we had any hope of his being successful in living a clean and productive life, he needed help.  I would have to give up my time and freedom to help him get to the places he needs to be with the items he needs and the confidence that he can do it.  This is where those Boundaries come in and making sure that we are not enabling but helping him become independent and productive.  I have taken him to two appointments the last two days and it has been a positive experience.  I mentioned to him yesterday that 6 months ago when he went to the halfway house NUCC that I would not of been alone with him in a car.  He has changed since then and is in totally different frame of mind.  Obviously he needed those extra 6 months back in jail.  It takes him a little longer than most to learn from his experiences.  How grateful today I am for the progress that he has made and pray fervently that he will continue with his progress.  I pray also that I will know when to help and when to let go so he can learn the lessons he needs.