Let Go and Let God

I have been pondering the idea of parenting adult children this week.  It is interesting to me to discover what and where my mind tends to focus on, but this has been the subject of the week.  Probably because of the awareness of mistakes I have made.  Since I tend to be be a perfectionist and over controlling, I have realized in my past years of parenting that I tend to get too involved and thought I was doing better, but this week I realize I still have a long ways to go.  Many "later in life" children have parents who quit parenting but poor Jessi gets over parented.  I want her home at 9:00 p.m. on school nights and she looks at me with disbelief.  I have realized it is truly selfish on my part because I'm tired and want to go to bed and chill and I don't want to worry so I want her home.  I want to nag her constantly about homework and tardies at school.  I restrain myself some but occasionally I blurt out some unkind remark or reminder.  Kevin blamed me this week because he missed work one day (which I do know wasn't my fault but made me think).  He mentioned that when he called home to say he was going to be late I told him my concerns about his ability to get up for work the next morning so I put in his mind the idea of being too tired to go to work so he didn't.  Obviously we still need curfews and rules in our home, and the consequences need to be clear and enforced.  They need to be reasonable and clear, but I do not need to constantly harp on them.
As I observe countless other families I realize I'm not the only one trying to parent adult children.  So this brings me to the point of -  am I robbing them of opportunities to learn by the consequences of their own experiences?  I have tried to think back on my adult experiences as a child to my parents.  I don't ever recall being cajoled, pestered, or even reminded on my duties.  I know when I was not making great choices in my life in college my parents were incredibly disappointed in me but I do not remember them ever lecturing me on it. The only time I can think of my mom saying anything to me was when I had several small children she asked me to please stop yelling at my them.  That wasn't even a parenting item, she was trying to protect her grandchildren.
One of my problems in parenting is feeling too responsible for my children and their choices.  Often I have assumed too much responsibility, when ultimately it is God's responsibility to teach them.  He knows them much better than I ever will.  I am not nor do I want to be in charge of their salvation.  I need to remember He has a plan for each of them and there are things that they can only learn by the experiences that He gives to them.  I need to stand back and not thwart His plan by interfering and taking away their consequences or learning opportunities.  There are some lessons that only pain and suffering can teach.  We each have a right, even a need to suffer.  I'm sure at times many of my parenting experiences have been as much for me to learn as for my children.  There is a fine line in letting adult children know that you love them and are there to support them as they go through life and interfering with their choices and trying to control their actions and consequences.  The answer always goes back to the same conclusion.  "Trust in the Lord"   So basically my new mantra needs to be "Let Go and Let God."