Jeff

Today I want to write about Jeff and how thankful I am for him. He is and has always been the light of my life. He is not perfect but we are perfect for each other. We complete each other in various ways. Sometimes when I am whiny and complaining he gently calls me on it and it makes me angry and then I realize he is right and I try to do better. I am a much finer person because of him. How grateful I am that he has provided for our family so well that I have been able to stay home and raise the children. He spoils me and would let me have whatever I wanted. When I hear from wives that they never hear from their husbands during the day I count my many blessings that Jeff checks in with me regularly. He is a romantic, better than I am at that. His plans are fun, incredible and personal. Back rubs are his specialty. He has a gift of making me feel beautiful and I am always shocked when I look in the mirror. From the first minute I met Jeff He became my best friend. We were soul mates from the beginning. How thankful I am for our temple marriage that we can be together eternally. I love you Jeff.

Jeff, Mackayla and Me on Her Blessing Day

A Happy Ending

On Friday I went to a Mothers without Borders Boutique and lunch with two dear friends, Sandy and Sandy. Besides sharing the same name they are unfortunately both widows. What an incredible example they both are to all of us in how to handle adversity. During lunch one of the Sandy's asked me to share an update on Kevin and she expressed her concern on how difficult it would be to have a prodigal. As we were discussing life and trials, setbacks and disappointments I shared the thought that I bet not one of us would of imagined twenty years ago that they would be without husbands at such a young age or that I would have a son who had just spent a year and a half in jail. We never know what life is going to hand to us. After discussing those thoughts for a minute the humbling realization was mentioned that we wondered about our children and grandchildren and where each of them would be in twenty years and what adversity or unplanned events would they have experienced. Then Saturday night as Jeff and I were enjoying a Bar J Wranglers Concert in Heber City my cell phone vibrated. Pulling it out of my pocket I saw that Carrie Crosland was calling. The odd thing about this was it was 10:00 p.m. our time which made it 11:00 p.m. their time in Oklahoma. Carrie doesn't usually call to chat at 11:00. I didn't answer the call because we were in the concert and I was beginning to text her when Jeff's phone rang and it was Carrie. Then I panicked and my thoughts of our conversation the day before returned. Jeff jumped up and left the concert to answer the phone. Ben was in Chicago at a CE Conference and we knew Carrie was alone. Luckily by the time I followed him out he mouthed to me that everything was OK. Relief flooded over me, I wasn't ready for the unexpected to begin. But bless poor Carrie's heart. There was a second earthquake in Oklahoma City. There had been a smaller one earlier that morning. This one was the largest earthquake in Oklahoma history and Carrie was home alone with three little children in a new neighborhood. How frightening!! I am so grateful that she felt comfortable enough to call and express her concerns with us. Thankfully they were safe and there was no damage to their home or belongings, just frayed nerves. What a helpless feeling it was to know that we were so far away and we couldn't help. All I could say was "We'll pray for you" which I fervently did. My gratitude thought tonight is that all is well in Oklahoma, Ben is home and the aftershocks have hopefully ended.

A Serendipity Day

"Live each season as it passes; breath the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each."
— Henry David Thoreau

This is a lesson I need to embrace. We have a dear friend, Cal, who lives each day to the fullest. He had a liver transplant 5 years ago and unfortunately he is facing another one in the next few years. We all could learn from him. Watching him enjoy each day is refreshing and inspiring. Last week he called and wanted us to go 4 wheeling on Saturday. I will have to admit I was very hesitant. It was supposed to be 40+ degrees and I hate being cold. Finally agreeing to go I secretly was hoping for rain or some reason that we really couldn't go. The day was beautiful but crisp, very crisp. We bundled up and headed north. After lunch at Maddox we continued to Mantua where we unloaded our machines. Best decision I made was to ride behind Jeff on his big 4 wheeler instead of bringing my own. Wow,What an incredible day. I could 'squishy' with Jeff and be warm. Amazing scenery and the air was clear and fresh. I wouldn't of missed it for anything. How grateful I am that we have good friends that are not daunted by weather and have a desire to enjoy the changing seasons and are willing to include their friends in their plans. I need to remember to live each day, no matter the weather, to the fullest. Thanks Cal and Cheryl.

Gratitude Month

As the children were growing up we had a vey large bulletin board in our kitchen.  When we remodeled we took it out.  It is the only part of my old kitchen that I miss.  Every November I would cover the entire board with butcher paper.  I had each of the kids write one item on the board each day that they were thankful for.  Their friends thought it was so fun that they also began writing on it.  So by Thanksgiving Day our entire board was filled with comments and items.  The first few days it was easy but by the end we were all really having to think about something different to write.  It was a good exercise in gratitude.   I've decided that I need to be more aware of my blessings so I'm going to write something I'm grateful for at the end of each blog that I write during the month of November.  Yesterday I wrote how thankful I am that Kevin is progressing.  Today I am thankful to my daughter Amy who is picking Kevin up at work and bringing him back to Farmington.  She told me that she would take one day a week to pick him up at work so he could make it to his counseling on time.  Thanks Amy for the help.

The Dream

Several months ago I had a dream.  Usually I don't remember my dreams and when I awoke I knew it had been a dream with a message for me.  I dreamed that we went to visit Kevin and he didn't have any legs.  He was walking around on these little tiny stumps which was so different from the 6'1" height that he is. My heart was so heavy as I watched him try to fulfill his duties in life but he just couldn't do it.   No matter how hard he tried there were just some things he couldn't do for himself.

As I pondered the meaning of this dream I decided that it was so difficult for him to accomplish the things that needed to be taken care of in his life while he was in jail that he in fact was helpless and needed my help.  Honestly I did try to help him arrange court dates and such but probably not as efficiently as I could.   I was still very angry with him.  Last week when he moved to the work release center I was embittered that I would have to give up some of my freedom to help him get to work, to court dates, to counseling and to his drug testing.  Then I remembered the dream.  I realized that if he was physically disabled I would very willingly give up my freedom to help him deal with problems until he could handle them on his own.  His disability now is probably more a mental disability, but nevertheless a disability.  If we had any hope of his being successful in living a clean and productive life, he needed help.  I would have to give up my time and freedom to help him get to the places he needs to be with the items he needs and the confidence that he can do it.  This is where those Boundaries come in and making sure that we are not enabling but helping him become independent and productive.  I have taken him to two appointments the last two days and it has been a positive experience.  I mentioned to him yesterday that 6 months ago when he went to the halfway house NUCC that I would not of been alone with him in a car.  He has changed since then and is in totally different frame of mind.  Obviously he needed those extra 6 months back in jail.  It takes him a little longer than most to learn from his experiences.  How grateful today I am for the progress that he has made and pray fervently that he will continue with his progress.  I pray also that I will know when to help and when to let go so he can learn the lessons he needs.  

Grandma's Halloween Party

Halloween has never been my favorite holiday.  Dark, scary, and morbid have never been my thing, but I decided there were many fun and imaginative ways to celebrate the holiday so I decided to break the tradition and have a "Grandma's Halloween Party".  What a wonderful time we had.  I will have to admit I did wonder how fun a party for 2 and 3 year olds would be, but I think it was delightful.  Grandma LaRae and her husband Ed, Tyler and Carly and kids, Amy and Luke and kids, Jessi and her boyfriend Spjut, and Jeff and I were all on hand for a wonderful evening.  I had bought quite a few Halloween activities from Oriental Traders for the kids.  We did a sticker Halloween scene, decorated pumpkins, made the cutest Halloween necklaces, and the best was playing with SLIME.  Check out the recipe here.  They loved it and it is super easy.  We ate sloppy joes because when the children were young I always made them so they could eat quick before they went trick or treating.  We borrowed Carries idea of a green ice hand in our punch bowl filled with Sprite.  How glad I am that we did this.  The only way it could of turned out better if the other 3 grandchildren would of been with us.  We did SKYPE with them and that helps.  Remember Making Memories is what life is all about.

 Puppy Dog Blake and  Princess Lucy came to our party

Our Cabana Girl Clara

Callie the Cow

Witch Jessi dressed for the Halloween Dance

Halloween Message

A few days ago my visiting teacher brought me some Halloween goodies with this darling note attached.  I wish to share it with you.  Not only is it a message for you, if you haven't done your visiting teaching yet you have one more day and you can type this up on cute paper and share it with your sisters.

Since this is the time for goblins and bats
Halloween spirits, ghosts, and cats!
Weird happenings and witches brew,
These are the things I  wish for you...

May the only ghost that comes your way,
Be the Holy Ghost to guide your way,
May the only spirits you chance to meet,
Be the spirits of love and friendship sweet.

These are my Halloween wishes for you...
May God bless you in everything you do.
It's no trick--I just wanted to say..
It's a treat to know you in every way!

Solution to "The Funk"

The past few days I felt like I had 'sunk into a funk'.  I was lethargic, tearful, and anxiety ridden.  I'm sure knowing Kevin is coming home soon could of been behind a lot of it.  But, no matter the problem, I knew I needed to do something about it.  I began to analyze the problem and in seconds realized what I was doing wrong.  I had once again let my priorities slip out of order.  My essential priorities were about non existent. With all of the traveling, preparations for traveling, and life in general, I had neglected those things that bring the spirit into my life.  I know from past experience that if I do not have the spirit I do not function.  Without priorities I lose power in my life.  I believe in essential priorities, necessary priorities, and nice to do priorities.  Unfortunately at times I get caught up in the necessary (cleaning house, fixing meals, laundry, running errands etc) or the nice to do priorities (going to lunch with a friend, recreational reading, blogging etc) and neglect what is essential which include frequent temple attendance, daily scripture study, and heartfelt personal prayers.  These are what keep me going and give me strength.  Many people have asked how I keep a smile on my face when I have been through so much with my son  in the past few years.  I always answer that I have learned that I can't change his choices, but I can strengthen myself and if he can see that living the gospel makes me happy maybe someday he will choose to follow.   The only way I continue each day is by drawing closer to the Spirit so I can feel Him and hopefully know His will for me.  So yesterday I went to the temple.  It had been several weeks since I had been there.  It is amazing how I can walk through the doors feeling unsettled, crabby and lost and two hours later walk out refreshed, pleasant and confident.  I LOVE the peace I feel there.  I know that I need to be there more often.  There is a time and season for all of us to spend time there.  Where I am in my life I should definitely be able to go once a week.  (New Goal)  May each of you who can go often and make it an essential priority in your life.

Thank You Family

Today I need to tell my children how proud I am of them.  Kevin was with us for a few hours this afternoon and he was charming and considerate.  Jail has humbled him and taught him some great lessons.  The other kids were so kind to him and excited to see him and he probably doesn't deserve it.  He has lied to them, stolen from them and manipulated them.  Yet their true colors came out today as they reached out in love to him.  Kevin should of felt incredibly loved and accepted today because he was.  I know we are all concerned about his future and know that he needs to earn our trust because we really don't trust him yet, but they are willing to give him another chance.  That is what family is all about!! We all need second and third chances in life, some of us more than others.  When we experience a  problem how wonderful it is to know that your family will be there to help you if you are willing to change.  Even I was successful in being kind and respectful to him.  I'll pat myself on the back.  Thank you family.  I love each and every one of you.

                                                                         Kevin and Jessi

Boundaries

After months of counseling to help me deal with my feelings about Kevin and his poor decisions and how they affected my life, I feel like I have made incredible progress.  Sharing what I have learned with others has helped instill it deeper within myself.  Tomorrow will be a test to see if I can really live what I have tried to help others do.  Set boundaries.  Kevin will be released tomorrow from Davis County Jail after spending 18 months there.  He has a 4 hour furlough and then he needs to spend at least one month in the work center where he will go to work during the day and return to the work center to sleep.  If he can complete that successfully then he will be released completely.  During his furlough tomorrow, we will pick him up, run errands that he needs to do so he can apply for jobs, and have a family dinner.  I can already feel the boundaries I want to set crumbling.  He can push my buttons like no other.
It has been such a wonderful feeling to have the spirit return to our home since he has been away.  I do know that I never want to let his poor choices, manipulative behavior, and lack of respect ruin the feeling that we have here now.  I understand that I need to be kind, gentle, respectful and FIRM (rules for setting boundaries) when deciding what I will and will not do to help him.  My protective wall goes up when he asks even the smallest thing of me and I forget to be kind and gentle.  I just become harsh and firm.   I do not want to alienate him, but I also do not want him to take advantage of me.  I have been rereading parts of my favorite books about boundaries tonight to prepare me.  These are books recommended to me by my counselor and I have actually given copies of these to many friends that have need of setting boundaries.   They have helped me immensely in gaining perspective on how I can handle having Kevin back in my life.

1.  I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better written by Gary and Joy Lundberg
2.  Boundaries  written by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
These are great books for moms even if you are not dealing with prodigal children.  Mothers need to set boundaries so we can have control of our lives or we can be totally engulfed by the needs and wants of others.  That is not healthy for us or for those we serve.